oh my...

has anyone else had the experience of crying at their own wonder of what they are capable of? as in the beauty they can bring into life? not sure if it's hormones or realizing that some of my photos are really quite beautiful, but i've brought myself to tears putting the grassroots festival video together & a new project of children. it's part wonder, part appreciation, and part fear -the oh shit, i can do this, i have got to do something with this part of me!

music to fall asleep to

great music: i listened to these guys as i slept in my tent while camping. though they were playing more relaxed, acoustic stuff those nights, their voices & music are just freaking beautiful, as are their spirits.

mathias kamin & adrian

emotional intelligence & romantic relationships

upon being with myself & cleaning house i found a great little site on relationships. take it for what you will. guide yourself to the links also for further reading. is there a person who is completely self-actualized & in a completely healthy relationship, i am not sure. i think we can all learn a little & start from there:

emotional intelligence & romantic relationships

GrassRoots Festival: a foto film. July 17-20, 2008

I went into this festival preparing for the worst, hoping for the best. Days before I remembered: I am going for awesome music & to see my dear friend--what fun!! And yes, indeed, this trip was one of the best, most memorable of my days.

Just the highlights:
a safe ride up with 2 filmmakers & a musician who were all really chill & totally open to have another unknown person join the car
Wegmans market crunchy peanut butter & water fill station (can we all learn from them?!)
Thousands of One: my new fav for sure.
No shoes for 4 days, swimming in the creek, & making a headpiece of chamomile flowers (my fav sandals are still in Ithaca)
Kevin Kinsella. What a phenomenal group! Danced & took some fotos & realized my world is quite small as the chicks I was with were housemates with these folks.
Lee Boys got everyone dancin like crazy!
The mud kids!
Healing Arts tent & amazing healer Reingold. I am not certain I believe all he says, but he gave me incredible insight into what an amazing art healing can be & how to get back to earth.
To the soundtrack of John Brown's Body, I made my journey to the beautiful lava wall (a screen that projected a lava-lamp type display). Travels along the way include: a small city full of glow people: darkness with dancing people wearing glow everything and spinning glowing hula hoops. A one-shot game of flip cup with a win! The base of the lava wall: a converted school bus with a stuffed wolf prepared for howling at the full moon. And, finally the lava wall that was far more beautiful from afar, partially due to the real negative attitude of the people inhabiting the wall. I returned after what seemed like a day and danced with such happiness to some enchanting music.
Watching Shane be loving with someone while dancing was one of the most beautiful moments I have witnessed in my life. Seeing him wrap his arms around his adored so gently & perfect warms my heart. She left & left him hanging onto our arms, but still, for a few moments it was pure heaven. Lying on the earth telling him how I experienced the moment was magical in itself.

*************
Being in this tranquil place, swimming in the morning, sleeping on the earth, walking for days without shoes & being surrounded with family & lightness & good tunes is what I am craving. For the first time I was not excited to come home; even seeing the Manhattan skyline didn't give me flutters like it usually does. Last night, instead of hearing guys play a guitar outside my tent I heard a gunshot & alarm bells. Somehow, the little ditch in the dirt was more comfortable than my most comfortable bed. Mud-laden feet are far more endearing than pollution-filled facial sweat. It itches at me like that little mosquito bite on your pinky toe that you try to ignore. I have finally found what I call my puzzle pieces: the people in my life that are surrounding me right now are exactly what I need & want. I feel in harmony. Do I have everything, no, but isn't that the journey of life?
The question arises: what to do, where to go? I no longer feel the desire to live amongst concrete & want to return to the earth, especially escape the winter & live on a beach, but I want to have my people with me. Do I take my puzzle pieces with me to a new beach home; do I place my puzzle on the ground, be thankful of fitting it together, swim out to the water sola & hope they are there when I return; or, do I find a place in the middle without escaping the winter & exploring the world as I want to so I can mix nature & my peeps? Happiness is best when shared, I know that. I can make friends anywhere, but I do not want to miss out on time with these people that I truly care about. Nor do I want to live my life for others as one day they too will take their own path from here. We never know what can happen at a given moment...but I know that I have true love in my heart for mankind & am truly blessed & thankful for all that I have in my life. So, for that I live right now, right here, until I get there...Thank you Grassroots for getting me back in touch with my own grassroot harmony.




see here for my pal Olivier's film. i especially love the bubble blowers:

or click here to see the film & more fotos: Love Revolution, GrassRoots Festival July 2008

step back, slow dance

another old soul, mixed with electronica (~portishead, M.I.A.) = entrancing:::

Martina Topley-Bird (Anything album)
Also, check out her new one, Valentine, here

(ps. love the new limachips site!)

your waltz captures me
your slow gaze filters out the shadows of mankind
the trickling of blood struggling to pass through my veins
reminds me of the uncertainty of life...
to be gracious & grateful of each moment.
© kim boldrini 2008

hot chix bands!

Today, they happen to be chix with very simple names & old styles:

emily jones

april smith
I saw her band last night and damn, I was blown away! Highlight songs: Beloved, Bright White Jackets, Colors, & Wow & Flutter. CD release party at the canal room on 7.22.08 - be there, you will love it! the band was totally into playin around w/each other & the audience. We played our keys with the band at their request. I tried to get a tambourine, but none available. I think that is my instrument of choice for now. this is one of the greatest characteristics of a performer: to bring us into their world. and yes, i got there. nothin' like feelin part of the family.
Afterwards, the keyboarder tried convincing a chix how it's great to flirt with people while being involved with someone else, how it keeps a relationship alive. I suggested it can get you into some trouble. He admitted he hasn't been in a relationship in more than 2 years. Perhaps, I said, that is why...silly.

like a dove...

letting go of a love is a simple thought, not so easy to do. i know in my heart that i have incredibly true, wonderful, adoring feelings for you. i open my hands, & declare that i am letting go of the dream of marrying you. what i had been doing is not working: trying to make someone be my boyfriend does not work. did i ever ask you to be it, no, should i have? wanting to be important to someone when they are not ready/willing to commit is so depressing. it causes me much sadness, feelings of unworthiness & defeat. i know when i am like this, i make you nervous & closed up. perhaps it is the lack of the continuous chase, but after a while, who needs to keep playing that game? just declare a win- you chased me & then i chased you & you won me & i won you: basta ya! i stand for loving you. alas...i declare to let all that go: to be free, confident & respectful. i changed the path that was not working. i made an offer to be friends: accepted.

i need my heart to mend. so, here is to another day of letting the dove go. deep breath. blow the dandelion.

song of the day: Emiliana Torrini Sunny Road

jazz, rock & the mind

in a book called the secret power of music, i have reread that jazz & rock music throw the body & mind off the rhythmic pattern & can have very negative effects on the system- as our heart, lungs, & brain all work on a rhythm. perhaps this is an insight as to why so many rock & jazz musicians use drugs to relax their minds & calm them down- perhaps the music really is messing with the harmony of the body & mind. look at jimi hendrix, janis, curt cobain, and so many other people that gave their life to music- the lifestyle got 'em. i haven't got to the part that says which music is good for the soul, but perhaps it is techo/electronica w/a steady beat, or jack johnson who just sounds like the steady flow of Hawaiian waves.

el dia de independencia

...today's lesson: being open & vulnerable. it is very easy for me to be honest & loving & giving to others, but not easy for me to be open & vulnerable to receive someone else's care/adoration.

but why can i still be incredibly loving & giving & open with someone who has already deceived or hurt me? because it already happened. i can expect it; i know how it will go down & plan for it then recover. with me being vulnerable i am constantly looking for the dagger: sneak attack behind the back! an act so painful because in the crevices of my brain i thought the deceit would come anytime, & i am constantly pretending that i trust, hiding that i am terrified of being vulnerable. when the lie does come, my world crashes in on me. it is worse than expecting to be let down because, for a time, i trusted & opened myself to the possibility that someone would be true and good to me.

so...what do i do to let go? it is a constant battle to live right in the moment. every day i have to catch myself. i want to make those skeletons disappear for good! it is time to learn this lesson: how to open to my heart.

i want a simple life & simple love with beauty, independence, & inspiration. i know it is possible. it does not have to happen at this moment; but it is going to take some work, like gardening.

...on that note...do plants ever have feelings of fear during storms or while people walk through gardens? i mean honestly, are humans the only ones who suffer from past influences? why do flowers not fear to open up & show their beauty after they are cut from the stem, poorly watered, and battered from the wind? being conscious can't just be a human thing...can it? maybe we have a lot more to learn from nature than we ever thought...be true to yourself, beautiful, & open always.

summertime...and the living is easy...

long strolls in the park, laughing children, & ice cream. this is what life is all about!

inspiring photography!

niki berg photography

I am deeply touched & moved by your photos, especially the ones of you
and your family growing together. Thank you for sharing your life so
openly & being very inspiring in your words. Your photos are amazingly
beautiful, simple, and deep. You gave me some inner light tonight. I
used to work at a cancer hospital and left to pursue photography &
have reconsidered the way I want to make a positive impact on the
world; seeing your photos reminded me that I can do it in any medium I
choose, including photography.

the most beautiful sad music

JIGSAW SOUL

cockroach hotel:



anchor:


how do they make two puppets look so beautiful?
listening to the lyrics is even more moving:

your lips brought a smile back
who could have guessed how this love would grow
from strangers to the girl i love & hold
...i'll be your anchor on your journey forth...

so good to be privileged to be connected to the talents of the city

bugs

today i nursed a lightning bug back to health, i think i am going to nursing school :)