the loading dock

jumping ponds

2010-07-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

this blog seems like lifetimes ago, so many things i went through, mud i swam in and almost sunk in. no real need to publish things on here, but general update. thank you bjorn for inspiring me to re-load my blog for you to find an artist & for me to realize all the amazing musical input i had on here. sad love moments i can do without but it was a part of me at the time.

today, i totally feel on top of the world, though i know everything is temporary. relishing in a moment of sheer bliss and looking forward to the many changes in my life. likely moving to another island to study acupuncture. Hawaii is just a bit farther away, but with so much to offer for me. many things i will leave here, and many things i will miss. loved ones, music concerts, random human interactions. i think i did every single thing i've ever wanted to do in nyc, which is a pretty damn cool feeling. following my next dream, life on a tropical island where i can learn healing. and live the bi-coastal lifestyle w/my darling. giddy up! ;)

Opening the door.

2010-02-06T21:20:00.000-08:00

Months ago I took my blog off, today I am inspired to write. So I re-create this blog.

Yesterday I photographed an event for Survivors of torture - many enlightened Buddhist monks end up in NYC after being physically & emotionally tortured. It's sad, but they have compassion for the people torturing them. It was a great event, put on by a dear friend, Caitlyn Hardy (sister of my soul-brother Shane). Their adorable, ever-present parents and cousin and girlfriend were there, amongst the many amazing people that came. One young woman came up to me and asked some questions about my camera, lighting, and photography. Julia is a college student up to a huge life. I have not felt so inspired by someone in quite a long time. After I asked her what she likes to photograph we went to her bag and she pulled out a book. It was a photographic journal of the children in Africa that she worked with and I could not believe my eyes. She taught herself Illustrator & put this together. I kept thinking of how amazing college kids are! How expressive and full of live, thought, and inspiration. They are the dreamers, the future of this world. She reminded me a lot of myself. A lover of love and dreams. Hippie chick living on a small island, hers is up in Maine, trying to make life even better for those around her.

I'm trying the same, but today is hard as I feel I am not giving myself a better life. I met with an old childhood friend, her hubby and their adorable 2.5 year old daughter. It was amazing - babytime! I truly love kids- their life, their spirit, their love, laughter, and curiosity. I took her by the hand and walked and danced with her, on the sidewalk and on a treadmill inside a sports store. My boyfriend asked if it made me want a child. I love spending time with kids, but at this time in life I do not have what it takes to care fully for myself, let alone someone else. I had a moment when I looked at my cat and thought: I do not even have enough cash this month to fill my cupboards or buy you enough of what you need. It's a scary moment.

So I work, look for jobs and delve into music. I am listening to records until the tape on my turntable starts screeching: Eva Cassidy, John Lennon & Yoko Ono, and Atlantic Pacific. Roberta Flack is close-by but I am keeping her at bay. I move my candles and start to meditate/pray/cry. I am grateful for all of these amazing things I am doing now: a photographic documentary of a theatrical production organized into a graphic book; music video and film stills; music documentary of shows & festivals; publicity shots of corporate and gala events; managing a ukulele hip hop musician; medical photography; being a girlfriend, a friend, lover, support, daughter, sister, artist, healer, and woman. I have faith in the good of humanity and a higher power that is leading me on my way. I wonder how I am going to make it from here to there. How I can live for eight years in this city, with one job that I did not love so much in a variety of relationships that worked and did not, with enough money to go out several times per week and spend hundreds on clothing, books, electronics, wine, and music. Today, I have several jobs, a photo that just sold at auction, a relationship that I am nurturing, a home I love in a city that I still love, good family and friends around me, good health, and yet I do not have enough funds to live or totally enjoy the time with people. I need to take my life to the next level. I have a difficult time requesting money for work and I see that people around me in life have a similar problem. There has got to be a way to bust down that door of 'not enough' and have an overwhelming amount of abundance. How much investment can one put into the passions of life until it starts to shell out? Is it right to ask for something? Having no expectations is good, but...

According to my tea poetry tag "Gratitude is the opening for abundance," so this is the beginning of my gratitude journal if you may. Thank you for viewing, if you are there.

spring in the fall?

2009-10-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

"I do believe, that if people would just start by saying "it's fun," when it seems hard; "I'm happy," when they seem sad; and "I know," when it seems as if they don't, they'd finally discover that it really is, they really are, and they always have." ~Notes from The Universe. Precisely what I needed to hear. You really know what to say to me; thank you a million times over.

This morning two little german girls ran into the subway car; their parents followed. One of them, probably 6, lay sprawled out on the seat, cute little shoes dangling over the side of the seat & totally comfortable as if it were her own bed. I admired them for a minute- maybe not knowing anything about the fast-paced city they were in & totally taking over the place. I admire kids for their sense of comfort. I took a picture in my mind & took on being carefree today. Laughing out-loud to the book 'me talk pretty one day', and every time I want to retract into myself I open more, like a flower.

mrs meyers soap for the soul ;)

2009-09-14T22:18:00.000-07:00

waking up in the most horrid of moods, sobby tears b/c i was a jerk. i took on being 100% straight with people - and totally fun too! clean, create, clean, create. it's one hell of a livelihood but it makes things happen. it's like an artist with an erasable canvas. i am creating love like i never knew it to be. who knows what is gonna show up. but life is a field of dreams when i'm the creator. god/etc. must have felt pretty damn nice. :)

musings on facebook...

2009-08-17T21:37:00.000-07:00

my mom was on facebook before me!! as were 3 of my aunts and an uncle, and nearly the whole world. i remember back, um years ago, when my cousin christina was in high school (now she's graduated college). steve & i were both invited by her & his brother to join. we laughed- didn't want to be on a social site. well, he was on facebook a long time ago. today i joined & it's filled to the brim with this whole world!!!! it took my friend julian to go to denmark & say 'kim will you just go on facebook' for me to do it - i replied, 'for you, yes i will.'
i have to admit it was really great to see pics of all my pals!! so close & at hand. kei - no more private showings of photos needed (but i still prefer them anyway!). so i guess it's not so bad- bringing technology to connect people... i'm grumbling & smiling... :)

music manager

2009-07-29T12:46:00.000-07:00

ok i am doing kartwheels right now - i was just asked to be jon braman's music manager!!! he is a ukulele hip hop artist with a great personality, sound, and is so unique. he's freakin awesome quite honestly!!
a few days ago i sat next to one-leg chuck - a bi-coastal reggae musician - on the bus. i had seen him a few times & that day i got to chattin w/him- he is looking for a produer & i said if i were a producer i would totally produce his work. now i am a music manager & damn why not be a freakin producer. this is totally one of the most amazing moments of my life!
i am just laughing at what life is handing me - cherries, not magic.

the simple good life

2009-07-22T21:35:00.000-07:00

quite a wonderful day today...the simple pleasures...
woke up got out of bed... you know the song :)
snuggled with my kitty. cute lil one she is. good tunes on the subway. pleasant patients, good quality photos; tasty homemade lunch w/a friend; chatted w/my sis; met my best pal for dinner; played a hot sweaty exhilarating game of pool, ping pong, and bowling; edited photos & listened to new good tunes; strummed my guitar and off to bed... following my heart...this is what i call living a life i love... :)

my split brain

2009-07-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a split. Realizing the absolutely beautiful power of love that I have for all of mankind & how I can truly just be peaceful & at ease & exude great gentleness & beauty. On the flip side, I tried to mend, then rejected, someone’s heart who I truly love. I give him the benefit of the doubt and then doubt everything he says/does. Maybe it's warranted as he gives love then takes it away. There is no space. It’s utterly confusing & frustrating (& I imagine) not only for me. Last night, I really got how much of past relationships I ‘edit into’ other relationships with people & the stories I create & negative reactive actions I unknowingly take. Fear has crept into this sweet heart of mine & taken over for a little while, like dusty spider webs. For someone who believes love is worth more than gold, this is venom for the soul. I can turn from a 30 year-old beautiful woman into a five year-old child fearful of not being loved & being misunderstood, throwing an internal emotional tantrum. It’s so sad for someone to know me as this. Maybe it’s worse for me than others because I know what I am capable of and I want to put my best foot forward, but still… it hurts. I’m exhausted of carrying the weight of two, but realizing how I altered the vision of the load doesn’t make it easier… so I put his heart down, push it aside, and walk away. It’s not me…but it’s what I did. This is today, at this moment…it’s time I left it at that and just carry on. Perhaps he just isn't the right one & in some ways I know that...in others I cannot help but remember the absolute peaceful love that i feel in his arms. Maybe that's how life is...? There is thin line on the crest of the human-brain-split-halves.

2 songs for the recovering torn corazon.

Clark Gable by Deathcab for Cutie
I was waiting for a cross-town train
In the London underground
When it struck me
That I've been waiting since birth to find
A love that would look and sound
Like a movie
So I changed my plans
I rented a camera and a van
And then I called you
"I need you to pretend that we are in love again"
And you agreed to

I want so badly to believe
That there is truth, that love is real
And I want life in every word
To the extent that it's absurd

I greased the lens and framed the shot
Using a friend
As my stand-in
The script, it called for rain
But it was clear that day
So we faked it
The marker snapped
And I yelled, "Quiet on the set!"
And then called, "Action!"
And I kissed you in a style
Clark Gable would have admired
(I thought it classic)

I want so badly to believe
That there is truth, that love is real
And I want life in every word
To the extent that it's absurd

I know you're wise beyond your years
But do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie
You tell yourself to help you get by?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let it be by The Beatles
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

been a long time

2009-07-10T06:49:00.000-07:00

hello people. been a long time since i've written.
a song for the day - life to be continued.
joy electric: we become as murderers:::

Become As Murderers - Joy Electric

Minus blood I'm still not you
Multiplied you are not so noble
Irrational and crippled, too
How the life escapes from your veins

We've become as murderers

Loss of mind or still too blind?
Sucking your desire to be useful
I cannot pretend or try
Watching as your blood bursts inside

We've become as murderers

bouncing along life

2009-04-30T11:18:00.000-07:00

Onwards from AKQA on Vimeo.

electric feel

2009-04-22T06:54:00.000-07:00

fun, fun, fun ---- that is what i'm up to right now!
here's a good tune to groove to.

Electric Feel - MGMT

2 quick quotes for inspiration

2009-04-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

"How does one become a butterfly?" She asked pensively. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." (from Bart- not sure where he got this from)

"Take time to rotate and love." (the books- take time)

spring music: Storyship: we can work it out (Beatles)

2009-04-01T20:50:00.000-07:00

I was in Union Square & these chaps from Storyship were just so excited after figuring out a Springsteen song- A high-5 was a must! Then they gave a great private concert. So lovely!

In this video:
Russell Holland - guitar/vocals
Drew Pitcher - accordion/vocals
Andreas Pichler - drums/vocals

simplicity

2009-04-01T20:31:00.000-07:00

Russ Spiegel- Big Band CD release party 4.7.09

2009-04-01T10:53:00.000-07:00

The Russ Spiegel Jazz Orchestra will be performing live at The Gershwin Hotel in NYC on Tuesday April 7th, 2009 to celebrate the release of their new CD Transplants.

"Transplants" comprises nine energetic and magnificently performed Big Band Jazz pieces, all arranged and produced by Russ Spiegel. In addition to six original compositions written by Russ, "Transplants" includes songs by legendary composers Duke Ellington, Ray Noble and Paul Weston.

The 17-man strong Russ Spiegel Jazz Orchestra consists of some of New York's most talented musicians, and between the scintillating arrangements, stellar compositions and amazing musicianship there is something for everyone.

Don't miss this opportunity to catch one of New York's most electrifying live bands before the start of their world tour in support of Transplants.

The Russ Spiegel Jazz Orchestra will be playing two sets at 8pm and 9:30pm, and tickets are $15-come for the first show & stay for the second.

The Band:
Russ Spiegel: compositions, arrangements, guitar
Reeds: Rob Wilkerson, Alejandro Aviles, Arun Luthra, Lucas Pino, Frank Basile
Trumpets: Colin Brigstocke, Kenny Lavender, James Smith, David Smith
Trombones: Michael Boscarino, Jack Davis, John Yao, Max Siegel
Rhythm: Art Hirahara (p), Yoshi Waki (b), Chris Benham (dr)
& Special Guest: Dennis Jeter (voc)

The Gershwin Hotel is located at: 7 East 27th Street
New York, NY 10016
212-545-8000
www.gershwinhotel.com

For more information about The Russ Spiegel Jazz Orchestra please visit:
www.russguitar.com

Contact:
Janet Castiel
Redwood Entertainment Inc.
Phone: (212)543-9998
info@redwoodentertainment.com

umbilical balloon

2009-03-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

You know when an animal dies they go off on their own & into a dark space…I am feeling the same need. I have been contemplating becoming a Buddhist monk in Thailand or going on a spiritual retreat where I do not speak. There is a part of me that is dying, not in a bad way. I just know that who I have been for the last 30 years is going to be gone, and I am very attached to who I am, but I have to let that umbilical balloon go.
I walked up the stairs towards my apartment the other night & the words ‘I am satisfied’ came out of my mouth- without a thought. My third eye has been totally blocked for 2 weeks, like a rock jammed in between my eyes. I do not know what is to come in my life, but something, a little easier I imagine. Like a rebirth of the soul…

beautiful...

2009-03-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

Ciara & JT

2009-03-24T06:44:00.000-07:00

sexy, but she doin all the work

music picks of the day

2009-03-22T20:04:00.000-07:00

How I dearly love Pandora for introducing me to music - it is such a joy to find a new song that thrills me!

Welcome to Spring! Introducing two female vocalists accompanied by strings: one daisy, one black-eyed susan.

Maria Taylor: leap year
(a spring mix of Frou Frou & Sara Bareilles)

Emilie Simon: Desert
Engaging, haunting, & thrilling.
a medley reminiscent of Martina Topley-Bird, Lykke Li, Bjork, Portishead, Lush, & Rasputina.

notes from the All Music Guide:
Although Emilie Simon is a conservatory-trained experimental musician with a strong theoretical grounding, she has also made a name for herself both as a mainstream soundtrack composer and as an electronic pop musician not far removed from Björk or the Knife, with a distinctively soft, almost babyish voice that at times recalls both early Kate Bush and Claudine Longet. Born in the small coastal city of Montpellier, France, in 1978 into a musical family (her mother is a pianist, her father a sound engineer), Simon began studying music at a young age, and followed her conservatory training in voice with advanced studies in early music at the Sorbonne and electronic composition at the Institute de Recherche et Coordination Acoustique Musique (IRCAM) at the Centre Pompidou in Paris. The combination of cutting-edge electronic theory and a strong grounding in ancient vocal traditions gives Simon's work its unique tension. Simon's attractive mixture of art rock and catchy electronic pop was first unveiled on 2003's Emilie Simon, released to positive reviews and eventually winning a Victoire de la Musique (the French equivalent to the Grammy) for best electronica album of the year. Documentary director Luc Jacquet then contacted Simon to score his immersive 2005 nature documentary March of the Penquins; Simon's expressive soundtrack won the composer her second Victoire de la Musique and was nominated for a Cesar (the French equivalent to the Oscar) but lost to Bruno Coulais' score for Les Choristes. Inspired by the musique concrète elements of the soundtrack, which featured sounds of cracking ice floes and other elemental source recordings, Simon's third album, 2006's Vegetal, outdoes Stevie Wonder's Journey Through the Secret Life of Plants by not only including lyrics about vegetation but also sampled sounds taken from actual plants. In late 2006, Emilie Simon was finally properly introduced to American audiences through the release of The Flower Book, a compilation of tracks from her first three European albums. ~ Stewart Mason, All Music Guide

getting it- edited

2009-03-20T23:22:00.000-07:00

thanks a million, Mai.
thank you for teaching me things tonight that i never learned. why is there not a class or life-manual given to us when we are children? they say 30 is the year of the transformation of life...i'm living it, and learning to just sit & be taught. it's rather refreshing not trying to have all the answers.

you know when you learn that you didn't know things?! sitting across from this woman whom i both hardly know and yet know so well, seeing ourselves in each other she taught me more in an hour about being a woman in relationships w/men than i have learned in years. i did not see guys as wanting to provide something- insight, protection, care. i was fighting them all along, trying to prove myself good enough as them. acting so 'free' and 'strong' and 'self-reliant' -- in doing so i created no space for them. my communication with guys was so screwed up! there is no need to go into the story, to justify, to make right. no need trying to clear things up over & over to make sure he knows i've changed...bringing up the past only dredges up garbage. the butterfly does not carry around the legs of the caterpillar, does it? no. being bliss & ease, that is how i am going to live my life. the only way to transform anything is to let it go & come fresh. ask a question, a simple question. get a simple answer. easy as that...
i've got it. no more beating myself up over what i didn't do or say or said and regret. no more creating drama. simple conversation with people. keep it clear... my middle name...clara...i was born with it, right now, i regain the space inside of it.

Clarity - John Mayer

The Roots present: The Jam

2009-03-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

Highline Ballroom, NYC 3/19/09

What a phenomenal show! The Roots bring it together: Black Thought on vocals, kick-ass Capt. Kirk Douglas on guitar, Questlove keepin the nasty beat, and Owen Biddle jammin on the bass. The special treat guestlist last night featured Bilal, Wale, Antibalas, Dee Dee Bridgewater, & Corey Glover. They sung more than Black Thought, but they added so much to the mix. Ten beans is enough for me to want to go to another show. My ears are still vibrating.

Way with words: a musical orgasm happened on stage between two guitars.
Living Colour's, Corey Glover, has one of the most amazing voices I have heard from a male vocal. The lyrics were simple: I tried to save the world, this is the life I have, live life. The delivery was out of this world! Upper octive, long phrasing, and an energy that was entrancing.

Antibalas, the dude can move! Sax & trombone added a perfect mix to the roots reggae groove.

Capt Kirk did a rendition of 'You Got me' - fantastic! Did not know he could pull off those high notes.
Dee Dee Bridgewater, wow! She got the crowd movin. She's got so much energy, beautiful voice, and taking her hat and stroking Capt Kirk's thigh was enough to cause another near-orgasm.

more videos: youtube.com/user/kboldrini

Untitled from kim boldrini on Vimeo.

being moved

2009-03-19T23:26:00.000-07:00

because sometimes it is the
silent moments that are so
moving in this fast-paced city.

12:12

2009-03-18T23:47:00.000-07:00

the clock has read 12:12 for the past 2 hours. seems not only my mind, but time itself has stopped for a few short moments to breathe.
recollecting my thoughts after a small blow-out with a friend, have not had one of those in a very long time. you ever have someone hit your buttons and those around you so well that you do your best to not let it control your emotions but somehow it does anyway? like there's a light switch that you don't know you hit but all of a sudden a very calm lady changes in a moment? likely a nerve she hit that had my ego storm out & insult her. argh...the human condition...
i'm reading 'the new earth' and there's a lot of gold on those pages, but fitting it into the very moment, being present to everything & not letting emotions take me or anyone else hold is not so easy.

ego, pride, vanity...love... reaction versus thinking...versus being... living the moment in the present, and letting my emotions pass through my soul like a small gust of wind, scented with pain from the past.

bob seems to be a good fit for the moment.

Bob Dylan The Of Best[UK]

Dream Stand

2009-03-06T10:19:00.000-08:00

Julian's Dream Stand project: Web for dreamers and what really matters in life!

DreamStand's First Gathering, Feb 24th 2009 at OST Cafe, East Village, NYC from Dream Stand on Vimeo.

webb on MTV

2009-03-01T21:14:00.000-08:00

MTV Shows

www.myspace.com/webbafied
i'm so proud of this guy! you have no idea!!!

my name is zoom

2009-02-25T20:56:00.000-08:00

ok - these records kept me entertained for years, but this video is new to my eyes!!

my birthday- an ode to my parents.

2009-02-24T21:33:00.000-08:00

so on the night before the night of my birthdate, i have had a most inspiring time. i was surrounded by old & new friends speaking of their dreams, at 'my cafe' (finally! it's taken me 7 years to find my own spot in the city-it's called 'ost'), drinking delicious hot chocolate & a super-tasty cherry & cheese danish - i was completely touched by life, nearly moved to tears & had a blast. i find it fitting to take this moment to tell you about the great gift of life & the story of me & my parents.

on my birthday my mom tells the story of my birth - probably every year for the last 30 years. it's cute, but ya know...enough already! i think. but today... tonight...i see the amazing gift that my parents gave to me & i am absolutely moved, so i am sharing this story with you all. on feb 25th, 1979, it was a cold winter night in new york- icy and snowy. my dad got into a fender-bender on the way home from work. my mom went into labor- 24 hours of labor. my grandparents took a train up to the hospital near my lake house to see me be born. my uncle grabbed a newspaper so i would have a history of what happened. my aunt photographed the event. my parents played hours-worth of card games. my mom wrote down every surge (the non-fear-invoking term daphne has recently taught me). but i was not coming out- i wasn't ready for this world (or maybe it wasn't ready for me)...a this moment i am taking a short side-track...to tell my parents knew i was conceived.

do you know the statue of the infant of prague? it's a catholic statue of baby jesus, with a lot of history to it. fitting as i have deep connections to the countries of it's roots (prague & spain). it is a statue that's been in my dad's family for generations. as with most of these statues, the fingers are broken off. this child statue scared me since i was young- and i always wanted to hide it. especially after one night when i had very odd dream visions after spending time with it. that day my dad told me the story of this statue and me. he was home alone & was sprawled out on their bed one afternoon. the statue was in their room & it instantly came to life - it was still small, but a nearly human-looking child. it paralyzed my pops with light & told him to 'make room for one more.' that day, he found out that my mom was pregnant, but not from her doctor, from this child statue. my mom found out the same day. i'm not quite sure that my parents were ever ready for me, or me for this world, but here i am. i think the statement was fitting, as i never quite felt like i fit in - with my family, with my friends, with this world. but instead of continuing to feel like a burden in that i caused my parents financial hardship & the end of two fantastic careers, i am seeing life as a gift. i am truly blessed & thankful for them taking the steps they did to put our family together.

getting back to the day i was born...i just would not leave the womb. the doctor wanted to perform a cesarian, but the anesthesiasiolgist was late. the umbillical cord was wrapped around my lil neck & they were afraid i was gonna die. so my dad stepped into the hallway & began praying to my mother's mother whom had passed 18 years earlier, clara bell. i never met her, but she was one of eight kids, she loved lillies & fed squirrels, had a great garden, did some secret work for the pentagon, and was truly beautiful. all my mom knows about her was this & that she was amazing - no one can say anything more -her family break into tears knowing she died such a fast death of leukemia at such an early age. after a few moments of my dad's prayer to clara, i was born, no c-section, no breathing difficulties, a cute lil baby named kimberly clara, ready to bring smiles & love to this world.

so this year, i am making my birthday about my parents- to celebrate their lives, for loving each other, for being there for our whole family, for teaching me about life, and for being a source of inspiration & support & comfort, even when i don't think it's what i want. thanks mom & dad- for the best gift anyone has given me (life). i hope to pass around the gift as much as i can, inspire as many people as i can, and bring comfort & creativity to the world while i am here. that is my gift to this earth, sprinkled with hi-5s, hugs, & kisses.

i am including a note from my pops that i just found. he is incredible & funny- especially with mending my broken-hearts.

Have i told you lately... ;-) 1.23.06

hey toots,

just a quick note to let you know what a sweet, considerate and loving person you are...

yeah !... yeah! ... i know, i'm probably a little biased... but, ain't it the truth !!!... ain't it the truth !!!

Don't forget what i told you... it's important... you may think i'm a dumb ass... but, i'm an older person, so i've been dumber longer... that really means something RIGHT!!! :-)

w a i t a m i n u t e... ;-(

don't forget... keep in touch. i'm always here... OR there... OR there! ...well i'm somewhere.

ok kiddo, gotta go...

love 'ya

pax et amor,

eme

inspiration for the day.

2009-02-18T07:57:00.000-08:00

Beautiful - Karsh Kale

Everything Is OK (Different) - Halou

a song that is throwing me off

2009-02-10T21:52:00.000-08:00

it's the recorded version of the love cats- by tricky. a remix of the cure's 1983 song remade by tricky & Costanza Francavilla. it's a great song in itself-the lyrics, tempo, sung with a great soft melodic transient female vocalist - but what is with the trumpet in the background?! i am all into the song & then the trumpet hits me - it sounds like a mistake - like a first-take, a ghost-player, hardly audible, but strikingly off-balance. i can't quite listen to the song anymore.

The Love Cats - Tricky

foto film: lykke li - live: music hall of williamsburg, 2/3/09

2009-02-05T00:39:00.000-08:00

quickie

2009-02-02T10:45:00.000-08:00

placebo - running up that hill -

beautiful song!

i am so very inspired today.

voicians - german electronic mix

2009-01-31T09:07:00.000-08:00

a snidbit from stella's page

2009-01-25T21:52:00.000-08:00

this inspiration is thanks to stella :)
what a great quote from a starbucks cup!

The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating- in work, in plan, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

--Anne Morriss, Starbucks customer from New York City. She describes herself as an "organization builder, restless American citizen, optimist"

over the past few months, i've learned to view commitment the same way - as frightening as it may appear, once i commit to something there's no need to 'keep looking.' makes life simple. plain & easy... ZEN

yin mix

2009-01-24T11:35:00.000-08:00

dreamland

2009-01-24T10:38:00.000-08:00

i forgot how wonderful this song & directing was!

here's the full sha-bang: karen o- hello tomorrow! this is fantastic

winter & the rabbit

2009-01-23T21:47:00.000-08:00

winter: today i walked new york; feeling lost at the sights of stores & streets i didn't remember. i was sweating with a fever & head cold & wanting to be curled up with a man that fit perfectly in my arms, lying next to a fireplace watching movies drinking mulled wine.... well...it didn't happen. instead, i dropped off home-remedies for a pal and got quite pissy after not eating & the japanese place i so wanted to eat from wouldn't deliver. i haven't ordered take-out in a year & i just wanted to be catered to today. i left, out of aggravation- how juvenile. after that, i went to the japanese place & ate the meal i so craved- it didn't even have a lot of flavor- that is my one requirement, something tasty, please! i dove deeply into my music as i seem to often do. consider it my own rabbit hole & me alice's white rabbit. but where the hell am i going?
sometimes i am so lost & lonely on this small island of new york. i've been here more than i planned for. seems my mission is finished here. i came here for music & love. i've seen all the music shows i've wanted (sans tori) and resigned at having love in the city. maybe i took the wrong path, but i suppose i am where i am because of where i've gone. not having a path any longer is like being lost & scared at sea. good that i am a pisces that loves water & can swim, but still...it's not comfortable. maybe this is what i need to do - just be zen; be at ease with the boredom and stop looking.

i remember 11th grade english class. mr. kelly the older lean & toned runner teacher-man let me sit on the window seat. somewhere in-between being a rebel & a loner, i stared out into space day in, day out, listening to his stories & lessons. i was adept at english composition & story lines, & bored. i was looking for something greater in life through that large window that faced the hill & baseball fields. he came over one day & said 'it looks like you're looking for your long-lost friend.' perhaps mr. kelly, i have always been looking for that person. perhaps i have found him & subsequently lost him to my own ego, pride, and vanity. the three evils- people do not teach you this in school. you read, study, memorize, & compose essays. no-one ever said how to keep people in your life, treat yourself well, or do what you have got to do to make a great life. i suppose i self-taught this with music. maybe not the best teacher, but it's what hits me the most. those english-class essays often were filled with music quotes or sub-plots eluding to a song's melody. the margins of my books & notebooks filled with line-after-line of songs. music is so ingrained in my life that i can seriously get bogged down & forget that it is not a life-source.
lately, i've really gotten into a nice blend of french hip hop, electro-tango, sweet female vocalists, reggae, and hard-hittin brit & indian pop. i've made mixes & sunk into myself in this way...but really, what does it matter? why do i keep on writing on this blog, grabbing songs, making mixes, putting together Talent Show!, and staying on this computer till 3am?! i think i am somehow going to 'get found' for my mixes & my love of & appreciation for music. i think someone is going to call & ask that i make a soundtrack to their stellar film & people will go bonkers for the timing of music & motion...but kid...this ain't happening...yet. yeah, i made some great foto films & mixes that i'm proud of, but i stopped shooting after the crash of my camera & loss of inspiration in this here city. i suppose this is the 'dip' people fall into. damn fucking rabbit.

2009-01-23T12:19:00.000-08:00

Burma VJ, a documentary comprising smuggled footage of the uprising against the military dictatorship in Myanmar, debuted in North America over the weekend at the Sundance Film Festival.

Myanmar, often referred to as Burma, has been under military control since 1962. The film offers a firsthand account of the protests in the capital city of Rangoon that began in August of 2007 led mostly by students and women. By September, mostly Buddhist monks led the protest. It debuts at the Film Forum in May.

barack: a transformed man.

2009-01-20T19:20:00.000-08:00

what a speech - so indicative of the transformation of our country & our times. things will not be any different; we will see things as they are, but with new eyes & this is how the world will transform into love, community, and pride.
thanks to all the people of the world who made this possible, we all made a difference. thanks to barack for stepping up! now, it is us, the people of this great nation that must step up & support him in what he sees fit. we believed in him & now we must follow suit- no more sitting back waiting for the world to change- we have to get to work & take responsibility, to each his own & then on to your neighbor, community, and world...this is the process. this is so freakin landmark-y it's great.

Above is Max's photo! from York & 90th -he's a rockin photographer & friend! it's all over the news! yes to you!
More PHOTOS of the Inauguration!

Waiting On The World To Change - John Mayer

patience & calm

2009-01-19T23:23:00.000-08:00

"may random find you well"...those are words marc uses sometimes in his blog...tonight, random found me well... this is an excerpt from a note i wrote tonight:::

"a great thing i found- peace"
my friend wrote me this quote today, and it comes at the perfect time: "Beyond the ideas of wrong and right, there is a field. I will meet you there."

on a journey to discover new music tonight, i stumbled across a treasure: the missing pieces of my sanity. in pandora's box exists a photo and a few words that gave me clarity with you & the situation we have been in. granted, i am putting together a puzzle, but i am good with those things. i wish you were honest with me, from the beginning, it would have made things easy & sweetly transparent. my soul grew because of & in spite of you, so there is no remaking of 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' here. maybe you were conflicted, confused, looking for something new/different/homey?...i am not sure... i was always inspired by you & by what we shared, i forgave & was patient beyond my limit, i saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and i gave you my sleeve with my heart on it. now i see that despite our fun & emotional connections, it wouldn't have made a difference. seems there was no chance since before the first day. I'm starting to think my heart can't get anything but a break. lucky for me, i now have little wings of freedom made from peace & clarity.

who knew a guy named tom would connect the missing links in my world so well with computer lingo - perhaps digital communication is clearer than human...

___________
if you're wondering about my treasure chest...that's for me...kinda like the moment at the end of pulp fiction.

in clearing out my life over the past week, i add several accomplishments: facial, check. massage, check. chakra cleansing, check. dancing, check. mediation, check. yoga, check. swimming, check. clarity, check. peace & peace of mind, check, clearing out the secrets that cloud my life, check. making space, check. financial improvement, check. the lightness of being, check.

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE!

2009-01-19T18:59:00.000-08:00

a must mention--the film: Danny Boyle's::: SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the most beautiful film i have seen in a very long time. complete sensory fulfillment - the plot, colors, photography, directing, and a 'tack-sharp' soundtrack thanks in part to A R Rahman & MIA. the first five minutes drew me in with the Indian 'slum' kids running amuck over tin roofs while the cops chased them down. the combination of film & music couldn't have been sculpted more perfectly. i was there, living that moment visually, while remember my walks there a little over a year ago. i wish i had the voices of the children to share with you all - but the sound clips exist no more. consider hearing 20 children walking behind you, repeating 'hello, hello, hello, hello...' through the slums of Jaipur - there really is nothing quite like it.

LOST: our righteous duty

2009-01-18T23:13:00.000-08:00

Jan 21st- a day after the inauguration, the day that LOST premiers again, and a day that my duty to TV & the dharma initiative renews.

After taking the last few weeks to watch season after season, 6 hours at a time, DVD after precious commercial-free DVD, I am ready to delve into TV land and get LOST again. I have to thank Julian for his movie membership & commitment to watching all of the episodes, the movie store for their 'rent 2, get 1 free' specials, Rick for having a relationship breakdown that inspired a trip to Long Island & the beginning of this amazing addiction to LOST, and especially to the creators of this fabulous show for hours of surprisingly splendid entertainment.

This is the first show I've been totally & completely addicted to since my so-called life way back in the day. That show had me fascinated with inner thoughts; music; hot, quiet, distant musicians; and, growing up without wanting to. it seemed to be my life on camera.

LOST is ever-expanding: still a life on camera: human instincts, culture, religion, following dreams & fighting them, taking a stand for what we believe in, and facing our deepest fears. the show really has it all - with a kick-ass cast!

so i will deal with commercials, and a weekly-wait! oh, the agony!
because it is 3am & i have to wake in a few hours, i will take just a moment to pose a few questions that i suppose may be answered in season 5:
desmond & penny- did they make it off the island safely, without the wrath of her father or the island?
how did penny beat the navigational systems & find the crew?
where did the island & the inhabitants move to? will they be safe? will they want to return to non-island life? will the 'oceanic six' semi-superheroes travel through time & space to return to the island?
where is the guy from the mental institute who spoke of the 'number'?
will hurley drive the corvette?
will the man who is looking for the 'oceanic six' find the remainder of the survivors?
what happened to jack that he began his downward spiral into drugs & alcohol? was it the statement 'you shouldn't be raising him' spoken from his half-sister? will he snap out of it & carry forth on his life-mission of fixing all that seems impossible?
why are all of the spirits from the characters speaking contrary to what they would normally say? is it something with the island/dharma mission/their own inner fears?
john & his dad - is that all cleared up?
how many times will ben make me laugh come this season?
juliette & jack - will they meet again?
how did sayid begin work with ben?
what will come of the conspiracy between sun & penny's father?

MONDO party! @ Don Hills

2009-01-17T10:08:00.000-08:00

the most fun dance party i've been to in a while! brit rock, girl group & fabulous electronic jams in between!!! sweatin, groovin, & singin along- disco balls, punk rock english hair,

my personal fav of the night: cut copy - lights & music. how fitting!

lights & music on my mind- be my baby one more time (below song only 3:35)

songs of the day

2009-01-07T12:54:00.000-08:00

Sara Bareilles
Little Voice (2 Cd Set)
Bottle It Up (Acoustic)

adele
best for last

lauryn hill
ex-factor

why i love my job

2008-12-31T10:13:00.000-08:00

learning about the skin & all the normal/abnormal things that happen to it
i use one of the best photo systems in the world
my co-worker, daphne, is awesome
i work with a lady named bjork
my collegues are a community & we have lunches together when we can
the prez of my hospital was recruited to work with obama & serves on his team!
i'm autonomous
there are so many plants here that are thriving - good for the soul
i can listen to music & do things at my own pace
i go in on surgeries & calm patients down while taking their photos
someone comes in w/gloves & cleans my desk area
i do not have to answer the phone often
i work hours that work with my life
people smile around here

declaration of human rights

2008-12-21T20:21:00.000-08:00

OUR RIGHTS -

play on brother. play on sister. let's make this world the best we can imagine it to be.

convos w/kei: pt 3: sensual beauty

2008-12-08T22:41:00.000-08:00

tonight's thoughts: being sexy, sensual, and being a woman
how is it that kei & i have been lacking these traits recently? thoughts of womanhood made me feel ill - first visual thoughts: old, haggardly, fat, ugly, gross, child-birthing -- this is ridiculous!

our best friends growing up, through college, and recently have been men! my dad, drew & male neighbors were my best pals growing up. steve, luis, and julian have been my closest pals in the last years- not too much to learn about being a woman when i'm surrounded with men. many of my close female friends are not feminine. my mom used to use oil of olay & i thought it was so feminine, but she stopped long ago. my gram is more of a cute lil lady that comes across as more powerful than bouncers, not a classy Audrey-look-alike. note to self: my very feminine friends are no accident - i insert them into my life as a possible feminine filler and then totally resist their girli-ness! lightbulb moment: this is why men have strong Asian & European fetishes- they ARE SEXY FEMALES!!!! guys want women - not kids or tomboys! they want a sensuous deep engaging look, light touches that flirt with possibility, and to be tied up & taken for a ride. this is sexy. this is me...sometimes...not always.
are American women losing their femininity? in this new chapter of our culture, American women are in competition with men more then ever. instead of being different, we are fitting in with them. our clothing has changed: suits are in, jeans are in, comfort is in. sexy has taken a backseat. we are surrounded by men we should not date (in work places), surround ourselves with vulgarities, and we put up emotional walls & have forgotten how to be women!
is it a wonder these american guys i've dated/been with are totally into asian women? likely not. when i was dating sam he told me i was one of the most feminine woman he's ever dated & so sexy (which shocked & touched me); after a date with trevor i totally felt like a woman (this also made a huge impression); entering a banquet with adrian i felt like a regal princess (apparently the moment i became open to an affair). it appears that when sexiness disappears, so do they. european and asian men seem to have more patience & consideration- they see the whole me & appreciate me for me. reverse correlation? not sure.
there are definitely times when this sensuous, sexy, beautiful, romantic side is there. but today, i sat across the table from a woman who looked very similar to me and i thought she was stunning, sexy, and classy. we wore such similar clothes & looked so similar, but i did not feel sexy myself. what's going on here?
two weeks ago one of my coaches in my self-expression class told me i was a coy mistress & this weekend i totally realized it! i have played with guys! i flirt but nothing else. i literally smile & skip away. why? maybe i've closed up the idea of being vulnerable. but with vulnerability, intimacy is possible. why am i not? fear of them thinking i am not good enough perhaps. hidden thoughts: i am not fun enough, interesting enough, knowledgeable enough, womanly enough, exotic enough, beautiful enough, funny enough, artistic enough, classy enough, i do not like the sound of my own voice...oh that sucks. that's all not working for me.

i want to seduce someone -to be loving, vulnerable, sexy, sensual, and be real. am i ready for a really successful relationship? soon, yes. i totally was free last year & had a very beautiful, soul-inspiring, intensely sensual relationship, but after mis-communication and emotionally closing up it went downhill. i guess i still have to just let this go.
what is my plan? i ripped out magazine photos of what i think is sexy & sensual. i am posting these up as a reminder. be classy, romantic, sensual, and sexy. no more 'coy, cute kid' mentality. ask my feminine pals for advice. continue working on my body-tone. keep lips soft & sensual & no more peeling! keep groomed. wear clothes that highlight my shoulders and neck work. no more playing. !!basta ya!! commit to making romance successful filled with honor & care. date a fun, spirited, sexy, caring, loving, direct man with a commanding, inspirational, gentle, and generous personality. my goal of writing this: to bring some inspiration into life- to make sensuality beautiful and present.

convos w/kei: part 2: sexy secrets

2008-12-03T23:33:00.000-08:00

today marked the victoria's secret fashion show - a sexy day for all watching. my body sculpting class right before the show was an added bonus. i love spending time w/kei & giggling like kids, drinking tea, and sharing sex secrets.

sexiness: what's up with it? where did we get the idea of what is sexy and how to be sexy? why do i feel it at times, not at others. sometimes guys see me as sexy & i cannot imagine how at the moment. is it in my face, lips, eyes, walk, breasts, legs? is it the freedom i give off at the moment, an expression, or what i'm (not) wearing? whatever it is, it feels good. there have been definite times when i see i'm sexy. sometimes it happens when i'm walking down the street smiling or dancing or singing to a song, other times it's in the heat of the moment & i look at myself and think, 'oh damn! nice body kim!'

to add to these sentiments, my goal: lose 14 lbs, tone my arms, regain my 2 pack & oblique lines, & firm up those inner thighs. i'm working on a self-portrait project to showcase my body & these changes. for the moment, this chick will serve as inspiration.

frenchies

2008-12-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

i'm really gettin into french hip hop: oxmo puccino and shurik'N
both have a nice blends of string backdrops
think a chill blend of wyclef & wu-tang

A winter clearing.

2008-12-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

I was looking out the window on Sunday (post my fall). I hated the look of 'death.' Dried up, empty trees, washed-out white/grey sky: a bleak future. Then I remembered my Indian music class and the importance of the 'rest' note (the hand wave, 'empty' note, the 'zero'). Indians liken it to emptiness/death in winter. I realized the freedom in death: creating a clearing for life to come.

My own zero:
I just got back from a farewell to Andre. He is going back to Barcelona for a month or so. For the past several months, I have had such a heavy weight on my shoulders. A guy that I barely know or hang out with is so into me. He has good qualities: pampering, generous, artistic, European, good friendships, open, likes to dance, likes music, friendly, insightful, and wants to marry me. And what is wrong with that? Nothing, but I was so uneasy & didn't believe it. I also had feelings for someone else & did not want to let anyone else in. I couldn't deal so I took to pushing him away; I would stress myself out so much I would feel queasy. When we hung out, I cried, out of being so uneasy and feeling guilty for not liking him. So today, unsure if he was already on the plane or not, I stopped by to get my Ipod, give him a b-day gift & say ciao. It was awkward at first; again, I felt the heavy weight. He was willing to miss his flight & not go back home to stay here with me. All I had to do was say the word. I did not want that. I thought of the movie 'Before Sunset/After Sunrise' and how romantic it was and how I had those moments with someone else years ago. A kiss that lasted for three hours, while night turned to day, while cab after cab tried to pick us up to go somewhere, while people walked their dogs, while the rain drenched us to the bone, but no, not that, not tonight.
Over dessert at our local restaurant, I asked him why he liked me; I told him I didn't think it was me he liked, but perhaps the idea of me, and that I thought he didn't really even know me well enough to like me so much. We spoke openly and honestly. What he likes about me are things that I like about & see in myself. What he sees as a weakness is also what I see in myself (my lack of believing in myself is my own barrier to my greatness). It turns out he does know me. He has turned the page and let go of the idea of being together, but still likes & loves me for who I am. I appreciated this conversation immensely, for the opening it left me. The weight has lifted. The leaves of guilt have fallen away and I am free. I do not have to try so hard to like someone when I do not & that is OK. He lifted me up & hugged me goodbye. For the first time I finally felt comfortable with how I was with him, just me. All it took was 20 minutes or so to create this & now a budding friendship is there. Very sweet.

I am very comfortable right now - cleaning out the dead leaves in my own soul. I feel as free & light as I did this past January. It was a time when a lot opened up for me in so many ways & when I learned that everything is possible. I was free & open to love & grow & make incredible changes in my life & career. The past few months I closed up, but I see again that I have no anchors, no weights, simply freedom & friendships, light, clarity, and a beautiful fun ride in my boat. This is the time for me to grow & have fun & spread happiness & be creative. I am working on new photo & film & music & bike projects. I feel like a child again, just playing in life. Who knows what will happen?! And when adding someone into my comfy, cozy life boat, I will do so with ease, vulnerability, and graciousness. It sounds like silk.

inspiration!

2008-12-01T16:26:00.000-08:00

ONE LEG CHUCK!!
I saw this dude play union square subway the day before he left for his trip back to California, getting ready for the birth of his child. He was so positive & free & he saw his own work as a great contribution to society. I bought his CD & love it! Here, this one -leg Chuck sat, microphone hooked up to his wheelchair, guitar strapped to him & he was singin his heart out, with reggae flowing through the subway walls- it was phenomenal!

Love on, brother!

See this guy Owen's post (here) for another write up of Chuck.

death to my cami :(

2008-11-30T20:34:00.000-08:00

upon waking fully refreshed & looking out my window & seeing a thin covering of snow i had a genius idea! take pictures of the first snow fall in my beautiful home-town. deep green grass with little white bursts- it was beautiful! stepping outside, into my mom's jacket & out onto our beautiful newly-done deck i took a step onto a sheet of black ice. my legs slipped out from under me & i landed with my back & neck to the stairs, & my dearest cami-friend landed in a very unsettling position. the lens is busted- totally destroyed...oh the pain! i worked with it for about 30 minutes before i left, my yoga routine on the back-burner. to no avail...cami is dead :( it was my pal - i brought it around the city & world for 2 years straight -it's been to more countries & concerts than some people & seen an incredible wealth of smiles & faces of newbies & people i hold dear to my heart. it just plain sucks! my body aches, i've heard buzzing in my ear all day long, and my fingers go slightly numb at times- hopefully this all disappears tonight. even so, i'm more frustrated at not having the camera to work with. it was so handy! i've got my quality camera - to carry it around on a daily basis will be a new challenge. and as i've wanted to do for 2 years, i am going to buy a video camera - a good one w/good quality sound & get to some new projects i'm into. cami may have a second chance at being fixed; if not, there will be a burial at sea for my pal.

black cab sessions!

2008-11-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

bloody fucking genius!

halloween parade, nyc 2008

2008-11-27T23:49:00.000-08:00

the newest addition of my foto film series: Thriller!

why are people still going without food?!

2008-11-25T23:30:00.000-08:00

damnit - there is no need for this anymore!
not in nyc, not in the us, not in india, not anywhere. every weekend in the restaurant i see people order more than they can eat. the portions are huge, tasty, and well-priced. people sometimes throw whole orders out, not taking them home, and not giving them to the needy. i have began a childhood dream of feeding the poor. instead of my dream of mailing my left-overs in the mailbox (kids do not realize bacteria & decay) i am now taking some left-overs from the restaurant & giving them to the needy in nyc. transportation is the number one factor in why people go without food. farms burn food they cannot sell because it is less costly than shipping it out somewhere. so...why do those in need not move closer to farms? work on farms? grow gardens? what other options are out there?! we have all we need within ourselves, including the ability to put a seed in the ground & water it & see it grow to create something life-giving. so we all have to take action to see that this is done. my bringing food can only help a few people at a time - we all need to start with ourselves.

hip hop b-dang b-dang

2008-11-25T21:58:00.000-08:00

Ludacris cd-release party w/some hot guests: gold -tooth T-pain, lip-smackin LL, Shawnna & some more katz

attractive girl union - so funny!

2008-11-25T09:54:00.000-08:00

Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman

playlist, 1994

2008-11-24T14:06:00.000-08:00

fun songs

2008-11-24T08:11:00.000-08:00

these 2 guys have somewhat similar looks & after watching indah's dance performance to 'start wearing purple' while wearing a vampire mask, i could not get it out of my head all weekend- even inspired me to play with toys like a lil kid. so, here's to outrageous-ness.

gogol bordello: start wearing purple

tony ferrino: papa bendi

get groovin w/the lee boys!

2008-11-18T14:32:00.000-08:00

THE LEE BOYS
w/ Licorice

Tuesday December 9th
Show Starts @ 8pm | $10dos
214 sullivan street between bleeker & west 3rd.

for a glimpse of the movin & shakin that happens when watching them...see this clip (not the best quality, but you get the point)

dad's input

2008-11-16T20:41:00.000-08:00

things may be really good & things may get really bad, notice & be okay when things are in the middle.

as cold as it gets, the spring is always going to come.

everything is relative. if you change your life, you are still going to have to deal with circumstances.

to listen to

2008-11-13T11:39:00.000-08:00

i just love the tango! so sexy & tranquil.

carlos libedinsky Narcotango
my personal fave: *vi luz y subi (i saw the light & rose...perfect song for me today).

cheers to sunshine

2008-11-13T11:11:00.000-08:00

and Care Bears with twinkles for eyes

to being in the 'here & now'
smiling, happiness, free, fun, easy-going-flow, spunk, grace, and to the lightness of being

great new song

2008-11-12T11:51:00.000-08:00

kate tucker & the sons of sweden: faster than cars drive

love is not direct moonshine

2008-11-12T07:10:00.000-08:00

my ode to my perfectly imperfect life... (a work in progress)

quiet voice, slow-moving, gliding feet
moving & swaying to the rhythm of the beat.

at peace, at rest...then distress.

while drowning in moonshine filled with glee
i am weighed down by the anchor of general lee.

out pours my love & in pours loneliness.

my heart lives in a small, 4-chamber room
where forgotten words & kisses loom

it carries freedom in and burden out
breathe it in and breathe it out.

but while the film plays all that is possible and much more,
my documentary is a broken heart, bleeding on the floor.

i am a broken mess.

options:
support the broken-heart fund & disappear completely
regenerate & be a Care-bear with my diamond-heart necklace

guys at work

2008-11-11T13:26:00.000-08:00

one day working side by side with guys- like typical guys...introduces me to a new way to see them (my missing link!). brings me back to my childhood made up game of girls vs boys & boys vs girls.

i have never really worked with (or hung out with) the average guy, just the medical folk or artsy guys - now i have a new understanding of the male race: as football players, loud, aggressive, out for the chase, and ready to pounce on those that are not interested. i guess it's best to learn this lesson some day! best be today.

my life, a foto

2008-11-11T10:21:00.000-08:00

the greater picture is developing - like a slow polaroid. splendid.

yes, we did!

2008-11-10T12:10:00.000-08:00

a hell-yeah for the united states of america, the world, and all the people in it! here's to a good life, pride, and community :)

thought of the day

2008-11-10T11:52:00.000-08:00

why are we spending an additional $150 billion on AIG when the idea of an insurance company is betting that someone is going to fail? why not donate money to businesses that promote success, inspiration, and life?

song of the day.

2008-11-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

The Beatles-In My Life

max' show...see it before it disappears.

2008-11-09T21:52:00.000-08:00

Details: The Cannibal Eye, Part 1
The Gallery @ New World Stages 343 West 49th Street (between 8th and 9th) 11 am to 6 pm Mon-Sat

shine on you crazy diamond

2008-11-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

This is the song for myself today...and from every day here-after.
I was never a fan of diamonds, actually never wanted one in my life. Lots of judgment on how socially unconscious & shallow they were, maybe even never thinking i was worthy of one. Tonight, I declared to Jodi & myself that I am buying one-I am going to sparkle, inside & out.
I am giving up my old ways of being: my martyr-like, suffering, and self-righteous behavior was killing off any hope for a great life. pretending to be sooooo open to true happiness, inner peace, & love when inside i was terrified & non-trusting & killing myself off for so long b/c i felt like a burden & failure.
so yeah...that did not work. left me alone & depressed & anxious & physically ill. i hurt & suffocated other people along the way, too.
here's to creation time!...i will be non-judgmental, confident, and sparkling. i may slip, but this is my own polished rock to stand on. no more suffering. thank you Jodi for your patience! now my great life is unfolding, and I am creating it.

cardboard to caviar

2008-11-03T13:15:00.000-08:00

yes... sounds impossible, but not! read up here on the Able Project.

Perhaps our green community in NYC can bring this here! We certainly have a lot of cardboard, we also have horses, ponds, gardens, and sewage!

bjork's newbie

2008-10-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

yes, she is in my head tonight...nothin like bjork. her new song, Nattura, here

The single was composed specifically to encourage active support for the Nattura campaign, which aims at collating and providing sustainable and eco-friendly options suitable for Iceland, and generating alternative ways to utilize it’s natural resources. cheers Bjork!

XO: we all win when we play the game

2008-10-30T22:25:00.000-07:00

why do i try so hard, why do i care so much...when you don't seem to.

why do i let myself feel worthless, undignified, frustrated, pathetic, stupid, duped, resigned, out of control, & confused as hell?

why do i keep generating love like it exists from a fountain that knows no end? does it? sometimes i think it just might stop pumping & i will be an ugly old hag: sad & lonely & cynical... without love in my heart, for even just me alone.

at these moments i remember what i want to create in my life & in the world: abundant love & beauty & peace & inspiration. the walls glow & sparkle like diamonds (*yes!) (but so much cooler because no one gets hurt by them being there.) i am loving to everyone and they know it, just know it. i will be easy-going, calm, and smooth...i need not suffer anymore to know what it is like to be alive. i need not try living up to this idea of me being a saint by being a martyr. i will have ease & freedom, and abundance, and grace, and love, and wealth, and security...i deserve it...and so do you...we all do...

i love me and i love you. you love you and you love me. simply...just be.

xox

oxo

xox ( i just remembered this game...play with me)

on boredom

2008-10-28T07:21:00.000-07:00

quote from one of cassendre's readers...i love it!!

"someone told me once that boredom is not having confidence that there is space for your contribution. this was a very clarifying moment for me, as i get catatonically bored for no discernible reason."

financial freedom

2008-10-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

for a little at least! ;) yeah to getting myself out there & creating financial abundance -- just do it - nike is so right! ;)

movie jobs & frustration

2008-10-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

so...here it is 1am. i am sifting through ad after ad on craigslist. my computer mouse is not working properly, my lips are dried as hell, brain is exhausted, my savings are depleted & i am financially broke. i've done well in terms of saving & spending little for eight months without much of an income. i realized today that rent this month is going to be hard to come by. sad that i actually have to sometimes rent my apt out to make enough money to live in it. this photography stint isn't up to par with financial obligations. working upstate & paying for the commute and not feeling like i'm fulfilling on my intentions of spending quality time w/the family is also bothering me, as is having a split life & always being on the road. being in close proximity does not necessarily promote emotional connection. today...i am lonely & frustrated at the moment. thus...the whole search for jobs on craigslist. though not the best way to search for a job while being in that state of mind- as nothing looks good or feasible.
how is that i was top of my class in high school, graduated from a well-established school with high grades in a double major, studied pre-med with top grades, was accepted into 2 national juried galleries with my photography, am really well-rounded, very amiable person as well as a great teacher of kids, and i am contemplating being a bike delivery person?
it's funny... it's also bullshit. it's not where i want to be at all! yes, i do love my bike, but come on! so...after conversing w/a great pal & thinking of all of the possible quick-hire jobs out there in this vast city of financial dependency, i remembered some conventional jobs that people in films have as i am fighting the thoughts. they don't really have to worry about rent & bills & such, but it's interesting how many great movies are made with characters in very average jobs...so here is a short list: sandwich delivery person; movie rental person, barista, deli-counter people, waiter, nanny, tv repair person, dog walker, street flyer distributers...well the list can go on for hours...people in the movies do not necessarily have to worry about ...pride, vanity, ego. but it's really getting me today. but alas, money in my pocket NOW is quite necessary. waiting out the medical photography job while hospital staff determines if a BA in photography is truly necessary isn't paying right now. so... do i go totally conventional, apply for nursing/PA or teacher? how do i make money with my photography, please, i really do not know? do i leave the states & teach english on a beach in middle of europe/asia/or mexico? do i find a roommate? do i take another job that i do not want just to be able to sleep & eat? no- that just isn't living...it just isn't...i wish i were my cat & had someone to take care of me right now. i am very lovable & loving. i have great ideas for social programs - sometimes i wish i were paid to put my ideas out there -like being a mayor. today, i applied for a google grant. save the world, easy, commit to a j-o-b that doesn't meet my selfish expectations, not easy for me.
venting is nice for a moment, but it doesn't really do anything... commitment...compromise...balance...organization & action. that's what i need. again, the big picture...

what do i love?
laughing, dancing, exploring the city, going to live music events, taking pictures of people, teaching people & kids, giving hi-5s, hiking, biking, swimming

who do i love to surround myself with?
good, fun people; kids; forward thinkers; people out to make a difference; artists/musicians

what do i offer that is willingly accepted?
an ear to listen, insight into photography, insight into medicine, where-to-go-city-life suggestions, travel tips, social issue ideas, artistic promotion, massages

creative organizations

2008-10-20T13:31:00.000-07:00

The Bag Fund :
mission: to help support the creative process by providing artists with studio space and technical support at critical points in their life cycle.

TalentHouse:
mission: liberate the artistic community and empower them with the tools they need to succeed.

to check out

2008-10-20T13:28:00.000-07:00

Guns, Germs & Steel

At the heart of Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs and Steel are the stories of apparently commonplace things, such as wheat, cattle, and writing. Diamond believes the uneven distribution of these simple elements shaped the course of global history and played a vital part in the epic story of continental competition.

my new photo class for kids!!

2008-10-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

Hide & Seek: a photo journey of peace & quiet in New York

A photographic journey to explore and document the quiet side of New York City. Participants will learn the basics of digital photography, Photoshop, and designing a storyline. The class will culminate in a gallery showing of their artwork.

love, simplified

2008-10-17T01:43:00.000-07:00

this couple came into the restaurant last weekend - they were really cute together.
she ordered a turkey burger w/onions & cheese; he ordered a turkey burger

she asked 'do you want anything else on it, like mushrooms or cheese?'

he said, 'yeah, cheese!' i said 'it's nice that she's looking out for you.' and then she said 'i forgot, can i get raw onion on the side?' he whispered to me 'she doesn't remember it comes with it' i said 'she's a little slow to remember.'

then he ordered potato skins.

and she said 'wow, potato skins, huh?'

and he said, 'yes, i have to keep you guessing. the minute you know what i'm going to do is the minute the romance is over.'

oh i love that story!

photo documentary

2008-10-16T23:52:00.000-07:00

Days with my Father - by Phillip Toledano...

A heartwarming documentary of dwindling life, love, and laughter at an older age.

I am including a photo that my mom took of me, to perhaps show the love that a parent has for a child. Thanks Phillip, for reminding me, that life and loved ones are so precious. Sometimes I forget too.

Bjork & Thom Yorke

2008-10-16T22:31:00.000-07:00

Björk and Thom Yorke, two of the mightiest figures in avant pop music, will be joining forces for a good cause: protecting the Icelandic environment. Björk's camp has confirmed that the single will indeed be released on October 20 from One Little Indian.

According to text on the promo, the song "highlights a grass roots movement in Iceland to reclaim the country’s natural resources and wilderness from the hands of big business and pollution."

Great Bjork videos

Educate yourself, register, & VOTE!

2008-10-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.myspace.com/mydebates

jazz

2008-10-13T20:58:00.000-07:00

today::: re-direct, re-fresh, re-inspire, re-member, re-create, re-generate myself...
like jazz that weaves in & out & all around, i'm just gonna let my mind ride & enjoy the wave while i can. i/we (humans) are not perfect & i have to remind myself that is oK.

AIDS in the US

2008-10-10T11:37:00.000-07:00

Safe Sex | STI | Contraception | STD

the US ranks between Zambia & Zimbabwe in the number of HIV cases... pretty scary! Find out more here.

a woman's fantasy

2008-10-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

this is too funny!

art day today!

2008-10-09T22:45:00.000-07:00

Must be an art-kinda day...all in all...
Well, from an invite to a clothing charity event, to a website I cannot believe really exists, I was linked to this site of Tara McPherson - she's got some really great poster art, as shown here.

Also went to several Chelsea Galleries & a great, great jazz show! Of particular interest in the galleries were Aperture, ArtGate, and Ceres.
Aperture has a documentary series of the 1968 invasion of Czechoslovakia by the Soviet Union. The Czech President didn't realize they were being invaded & told his countrymates to chill out & let the Soviets do their thing- do not put up a fight...how horrible! Josef Koudelka shot the event during the first 7 days & the photos were sneaked out of the country & into the US. What an ordeal. The photos, though shot while an invasion is happening, are eerily tranquil & beautiful. They show the desire to connect to the troops, saddness at loss, and your usual war anger, but it seems as though there is a filter of complete calmness exhibited from the artist's eye. This really is a must see.
Ceres gallery has some very creative altered landscape work and great use of silkscreening mixed medias. It was a complete inspiration & creative push for myself & my friend. Of note, the owner, Stephanie, is a lovely woman to chat with & full of insight & education.
ArtGate has some great Chinese artists with a focus on magical realism: angels with blood-stained wings, and men upside down seemingly supported by another person.

Then off to PLG Art's montly: Jazz at the Ink Well in BK- featuring the Akie Bermiss Quartet, and damn, did they play some excellent tunes! A mix of funk, jazz, & hip hop - a stellar mix for me, as I am still a newbie w/jazz & cannot take extended play. They were energetic, inspirational, & seamless. You would have no idea it was their first time jamming together! Quick list of songs - my funny valentine, if i only had a brain, & sir duke. I posted the videos here, may you bless yourself & see them. I was surprised by an artist friend & his daughter from Berlin- great people!

dreamworld

2008-10-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

another dream, my life looked at through the looking glass. not digital love, but dream love perhaps. or perhaps life mastered by digital brain waves? playing in an orchestra on a boat- it was really great. here's to the 2 lives of me. not gonna make it mean anything on this side of the mirror.

Insight from pops at a perfect time: Aldous Huxley: the doors of perception. This is going to be my new art project: to project the life behind my mind using the open-slotted doors I found last nite.

advertising site

2008-10-01T12:33:00.000-07:00

lots of stuff on this site...this foto was quite striking for me.

LOUDER-

2008-09-25T19:12:00.000-07:00

just got back & the word is ----go see it!!!!!
visually & auditorially stimulating. a cacophony of sound (electronic & man-made) visuals (movies & shadows). even the simple backdrop of the people doing their performace art is incredible! ear buds are necessary, but provided. GO TO VIETNAM on PS122.

good theatre

2008-09-25T07:05:00.000-07:00

At PS122:::
Verdensteatret: Louder

For their new production, Louder, Verdensteatret went on a long journey to Vietnam and the Mekong-river. By combining robotics, video, sound, music, shadow play, object theatre and new technology, the performance takes the audience on a journey where reason ends and the spectator is drawn into an endless transformation through crossing lines of images and stories.

Thursday, September 25th @ 8pm
Friday, September 26th @ 8pm
Saturday, September 27th @ 8pm
Sunday, September 28th @8pm

shwa...revisited

2008-09-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

so i put a posting about this band SHWA up 2 years ago & just found that the band stopped by this site...
and they're playing in the city again- stop by. they've got some good tunes. a mix of neil young & matthew sweet.

Oct 4 2008 8:00P Warehouse Songs Live Recording Session Brooklyn, New York
Oct 9 2008 10:00P Rockwood Music Hall New York, New York
Oct 25 2008 11:30A American University Washington, Washington DC
Oct 25 2008 9:00P IOTA club and cafe Arlington, Virginia

through the looking glass...

2008-09-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

my dad made me a belated b-day mix featuring this song (song for you)...it's so beautiful & so special, coming from him :) it's been a long time since someone made me a music mix. i love giving them, but i learned i love getting them too, esp. when it's filled with love. the song reminds me of what it was like sharing my life with people, like the day-to-day stuff. i don't really have that anymore living the life i have right now. i'm sola - in various facets. it's good in ways, but i miss the human touch.

i'm gettin' all sentimental & outside-the-box thinking today... i've had lots of dreams recently that visually play out a different life i may be leading on the other side of the looking glass. i wish i had a video camera in my brain at all times- to record things like this. i guess writing is the best, but sometimes the memories are too faded to recall. a friend once told me about quantum physics & how we can be living multiple lives out at the same time. i wonder if that 'other me' is happy on that side of the wall, with that life. i hope so.
sometimes i wonder...?who have i become?...my life is so different than it was, and so different than i thought it might be. some ways improved, some ways not so much. there is so much to think about in life. "a quantum superposition is the combination of all the possible states of a system" --- what are all the possible states of my own system, inside & outside of the system in which i live...inside the system of my dreams, outside my reality...inside the systems of my mind, heart, & soul...and they're not even always connected...

In other news: Max Tzinman's The Cannibal Eye, Part One, opened today at New World Gallery and continues on exhibition through November 14th. I appreciate his work & him as a person, artist, and mentor. He has several pieces of digital art that are very dark & twisted up, including a triptych of 'inferno.' (another inspiration to finally read the book!) others are sad & speak of loss. 'Tiergarten' was the piece that touched me the most. It is a b&w photo of a park (could be anywhere, but it is in berlin) with a walkway guided with light posts. there is a couple walking ahead & an older man looking in the distance. to the side of the image there is a quote that i cannot quite exactly remember...but something to the effect of "my life is good, but it was so full when you were in it." it hit the soft spot. yes...again...love & loss...they got all twisted up in my head way back when & it strikes me like lightning.

while searching for this quote, i got a blink into the life of someone who is definitely not the 'other me' - got me giggling. actually, i am kinda addicted now...enjoy:
then i went to this one too:
and finally... this one (includes hiccuping baby-in-stomach...)

a great song: "song for you" by Michael Buble Featuring Chris Botti

a glorious day

2008-09-18T16:32:00.000-07:00

for so many reasons.
here's to a woman & song w/a box of glory; singing the insides out:::

Im so tired, of playing
Playing with this bow and arrow
Gonna give my heart away
Leave it to the other girls to play
For Ive been a temptress too long

Just. .

Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be ee, a woman
I just wanna be a woman

From this time, unchained
We're all looking at a different picture
Thru this new frame of mind
A thousand flowers could bloom
Move over, and give us some room

Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be ee, a woman
I just wanna be a woman

So don't you stop, being a man
Just take a little look from our side when you can
Sow a little tenderness
No matter if you cry

Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be ee, a woman
Its all I wanna be is all woman

For this is the beginning of forever and ever

Its time to move over

tent-cities

2008-09-18T15:11:00.000-07:00

some people put up tents & it's called vacation.
some people put up tents & it's call homelessness...

perhaps property-less or ownership-less or someone-else-not-profiting-from-you-sleeping-there is another insight.

to see!! the passion project: joan of arc

2008-09-18T14:01:00.000-07:00

go to PS122 and just see the passion project, a performance art, 3D film & music piece based on a film about Joan of Arc. maybe it'll move you, maybe it won't. spend a couple of bucks & see for yourself.

the national photo gallery

2008-09-17T23:33:00.000-07:00

national photo gallery

beauty of math...http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

2008-09-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

check out the world of math via graphics

my world via 2 songs

2008-09-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

this is the juxtaposition of my world, via 2 songs:

(radiohead: let down)

and

(john mayer: your body is a wonderland)